Walls or Oneness?
Yesterday, I saw my walls – the wooden walls I am holding up against the world. They are at least three feet thick!
What are these walls for? I’m desperately trying to protect myself from the roughness, the pain, the heartache that living in our current reality usually brings. I’m resisting any real contact with the world, from a deep, old fear of being crushed, maimed, destroyed. I imagine that if I let go of my walls, and let them tumble down, they will fall on me, and the world will trample me.
I sensed what enormous tension I use to keep these walls up. And I have had a pretty good life. How much more enormous must the tension be, for those who have difficult and painful lives and have not had the resources to get help! Sensing this, I understood a bit about what may drive some to violence, just to try to relieve this terrible tension.
Yet, on the other hand, I long for a sense of union, of oneness, of being at home in the world. I’ve been searching for this connection, this belongingness for decades, through many psychological and spiritual paths and practices, including therapy, women’s groups, vision quests, meditation, ceremony, chanting, spiritual studies, journaling, expressive art, and more. And I have experienced this sense of unity, harmony, peace and belonging many times, more often as I mature, but only for moments at a time.
So, I thought, I have to take my walls down, if I want to stay in the oneness, the connection, the sense of being at home in the world and one with all that is. But, my ego gibbered, I can’t. It’s too scary!
I took this conundrum to my spiritual teacher. He reminded me that we all have our walls or armor, and need some protection in this rough world. And it’s not an either/or choice. Oneness is like a frequency that is always present everywhere and permeates any “walls” I might put up. Also, he reminded me – it’s too late: the world already crashed in on me with all of the conditioning I got from parents, teachers, and society.
So, after all, it turns out that my walls don’t keep anything out: the world OR the Oneness!
And there’s no need to try to dismantle my walls.
That would indeed be too scary. Just accept them, love them, and shift my awareness to the frequency of Oneness as often as I can.
What a relief! Already I can feel some of that old tension draining away. I don’t have to fight myself. I can keep my walls and have my sense of union, too.
- What is your experience with inner walls or armor? Do you have a sense of the ways you may try to protect yourself from the world?
- Do you feel at home in the world? What has helped you feel that sense of connection or union?
- Have you had times when you have felt the Oneness of All That Is? What was that like?
- I’d love to hear what your experiences are. Please leave a comment if you so desire.
I share about one of my major experiences of Oneness, here:http://home/starseersprophec/public_html.soulplay.com/one-awareness